I'm actually blogging about a situation in real time. The situation is still in progress...
This is what happens when you ask me to house sit while new carpet is being installed:
1.Furniture is moved
2.Old carpet and padding is removed and place in the yard to be discarded.
3.New padding is laid, trimmed and stapled
4.New carpet is laid, ready to be trimmed
(here's where the order get's skewed)
5. The very sharp razor blade, used to trim the carpet, falls out of the man's pocket and slices his ankle/foot (There are now blood drippings on the new light gray carpet, next to the razor blade left in the middle of the floor)
6. The man stands shoe less on the front porch in a small pool of his own blood as it gushes from his foot
7. He calls someone from Fayetteville (an hour away) to finish the job
8. I hand him his shoes
9. He hobbles down the steps, gets his his van and leaves. All his tools are still in the floor and on the porch.
10. I stand there with a blank stare for a minute before I call the homeowner who isn't at all surprised that this happened because it's a textbook case of Nilly B! shenanigans.
10.5- As I'm typing this a great downpour of rain has come and is soaking the old carpet in the yard, the tools on the porch and power washing the blood stained porch.
And yes, ALL OF THAT JUST HAPPENED!!!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Friday, May 30, 2014
The Amazing Wheelchair Race!
From the chronicles of Nilly and Ida B:
Now that my heart rate has returned to normal, I can tell the story.
Yesterday I was once again hustled by my grandma to take her shopping. Initially I was told she wanted to go to Walmart, but I knew she had more up her sleeve. Before we left the house, she tells me she wants me to take her to buy MORE flowers for her yard. I put emphasis on MORE because I have taken her to Lowe's and Walmart on my last two visits to get flowers, but there is a local plant farm she wanted to go to because they also have vegetable seedlings for her 2 vegetable gardens as well. Before we left the house, this 86yr old woman, with arthritic knees, who has no strength in her legs and uses a rolling walker tries to convince me not to bring her wheelchair on this shopping trip. Ummm, ma'am how do you expect to walk around to look at flowers??? She claims they have a "riding cart" that she can use to get around, but my I followed my first mind and loaded the wheelchair in the car anyway. So we head out to the plant farm...
I knew I was in for a time when this old lady decides to argue with my phone GPS and the signs along the route that are pointing towards this local business. Grandma is still very sharp for her age, but she does have her "senior moments". I follow the signs and GPS and end up at what appears to be a regular house with a very large back yard, but the sign says "LONG'S PLANT FARM" so I knew I was in the right place, whether she believed it or not. Like most local, rural, agriculture businesses, there was a dirt path to drive on and an extension of the path for handicapped parking. Just as I thought, I saw no signs of a "riding cart" at this establishment. I saw lots of plants, abandoned greenhouses, an appliance graveyard (a la Sanford & Son), rusted red wagons to carry the plants, but nothing motorized that grandma could ride which means I was going to have to push her through the actual sand in the yard located in the actual "Sand Hills" of eastern North Carolina. I was already over this outing, but grandma has been trying to get someone to bring her to this place and it was too late to turn back now.
I knew I couldn't push her around, grab the flowers she couldn't reach, put them in the wagon and pull the wagon all at the same time, but came up with a system. I would put the wagon in a central location in the nursery, grab the flowers, run them back and forth, then push her to the next section. Seems like a good plan, right? Well, I didn't factor in grandma's stubbornness and pride into my plan.
Picture it: The section we're browsing in is covered in black tarp on top of sand on uneven ground. I'm picking out gorgeous blooms and cayenne pepper plants as instructed, running them to my wagon in the center of a maze of flowers and greenery. Next thing I know I hear my grandma's signature high pitched voice saying "It feels like it's going by itself". Y'all, I look up and my grandma is sliding across the tarp, rolling down a hill towards the car, holding on the her pocketbook for dear life like Sophia from "Golden Girls". I couldn't even scream. I just gasp and took off running to catch this runaway wheelchair. All I could think was how am I going to explain to everyone how the matriarch of the family ended up injured from being tossed across this plant farm and covered in sand!!! JEEEEEESUSSSS!
After I catch her, just before she drifted into the driveway, grandma is laughing while I'm trying to swallow hard because it feels like my heart is in my throat. She's chuckling and telling me she was just trying to push herself so I wouldn't have to be worried with pushing her too. Really old lady??? Really??? Now is not the time to be "Ms. Independent"!
I gave up on my system and pushed her a few feet with one hand and pulled the wagon with the other. You can best believe I didn't step more that a yard from her without putting on the brakes!!! You will not have my cousins looking at me sideways because I literally let grandma get run over by a reindeer!
Now that my heart rate has returned to normal, I can tell the story.
Yesterday I was once again hustled by my grandma to take her shopping. Initially I was told she wanted to go to Walmart, but I knew she had more up her sleeve. Before we left the house, she tells me she wants me to take her to buy MORE flowers for her yard. I put emphasis on MORE because I have taken her to Lowe's and Walmart on my last two visits to get flowers, but there is a local plant farm she wanted to go to because they also have vegetable seedlings for her 2 vegetable gardens as well. Before we left the house, this 86yr old woman, with arthritic knees, who has no strength in her legs and uses a rolling walker tries to convince me not to bring her wheelchair on this shopping trip. Ummm, ma'am how do you expect to walk around to look at flowers??? She claims they have a "riding cart" that she can use to get around, but my I followed my first mind and loaded the wheelchair in the car anyway. So we head out to the plant farm...
I knew I was in for a time when this old lady decides to argue with my phone GPS and the signs along the route that are pointing towards this local business. Grandma is still very sharp for her age, but she does have her "senior moments". I follow the signs and GPS and end up at what appears to be a regular house with a very large back yard, but the sign says "LONG'S PLANT FARM" so I knew I was in the right place, whether she believed it or not. Like most local, rural, agriculture businesses, there was a dirt path to drive on and an extension of the path for handicapped parking. Just as I thought, I saw no signs of a "riding cart" at this establishment. I saw lots of plants, abandoned greenhouses, an appliance graveyard (a la Sanford & Son), rusted red wagons to carry the plants, but nothing motorized that grandma could ride which means I was going to have to push her through the actual sand in the yard located in the actual "Sand Hills" of eastern North Carolina. I was already over this outing, but grandma has been trying to get someone to bring her to this place and it was too late to turn back now.
I knew I couldn't push her around, grab the flowers she couldn't reach, put them in the wagon and pull the wagon all at the same time, but came up with a system. I would put the wagon in a central location in the nursery, grab the flowers, run them back and forth, then push her to the next section. Seems like a good plan, right? Well, I didn't factor in grandma's stubbornness and pride into my plan.
Picture it: The section we're browsing in is covered in black tarp on top of sand on uneven ground. I'm picking out gorgeous blooms and cayenne pepper plants as instructed, running them to my wagon in the center of a maze of flowers and greenery. Next thing I know I hear my grandma's signature high pitched voice saying "It feels like it's going by itself". Y'all, I look up and my grandma is sliding across the tarp, rolling down a hill towards the car, holding on the her pocketbook for dear life like Sophia from "Golden Girls". I couldn't even scream. I just gasp and took off running to catch this runaway wheelchair. All I could think was how am I going to explain to everyone how the matriarch of the family ended up injured from being tossed across this plant farm and covered in sand!!! JEEEEEESUSSSS!
After I catch her, just before she drifted into the driveway, grandma is laughing while I'm trying to swallow hard because it feels like my heart is in my throat. She's chuckling and telling me she was just trying to push herself so I wouldn't have to be worried with pushing her too. Really old lady??? Really??? Now is not the time to be "Ms. Independent"!
I gave up on my system and pushed her a few feet with one hand and pulled the wagon with the other. You can best believe I didn't step more that a yard from her without putting on the brakes!!! You will not have my cousins looking at me sideways because I literally let grandma get run over by a reindeer!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Grandma Mattie and Magic Mike: My take on the nursing home stripper scandal
*deep breath and sigh*
Yep... that's what the news headline says.
And when I first saw a blurb on my Facebook feed involving strippers and senior citizens I just chose to keep scrolling because, albeit a little awkward, if I've learned nothing else from years of religiously watching the antics of Blanche, Dorothy, Rose and Sophia on syndicated reruns of the "Golden Girls" I know there are still plenty of active old ladies who like to see a "beef cake" and get it on every now and then. I wasn't really bothered by the news and found it to be a cute novelty story, until I heard on the story on TV and why it was actually making headlines.
It's not uncommon for retirement communities or nursing homes to bring in different types of performers or people to facilitate group activities for the residents. Sometimes it's just someone who's visiting a relative and they decide to play a few tunes on the rec room piano (like on "The Nanny" when they went to visit Yetta), other times it's a church choir or singing group who want to spend sometime spreading good cheer. (I've been on a few nursing home visits with my aunts and grandma as a child) Maybe the staff booked an aspiring clown or magician; there are even beauticians who come in for the day. The staff is always looking for someone to headline the activity area. This particular home has a committee of concerned residents who vote to *in my Jerome from "Martin" voice* "give the people what they want". At the end of the day, it makes the folks feel loved in the golden years of their lives.
And this is why I was so shocked by the crux of the story. The son of one of the patients is suing the nursing home for exposing his 85 year old mother who suffers from dementia to this form of entertainment and making her participate against her will. He found a picture in his mother's belongings of her placing dollar bills in the waist of a scantily clad, very tanned and oiled, muscular man. He's filed suit for the sum of (according to some reports) a whopping $10,000,000!!! REALLY SIR??? I can understand him being appalled by the choice of entertainment. Male dancers (or female dancers for that matter) aren't what you'd expect to see on the monthly activity calendar at "Shady Pines", but suing is just a ridiculous response. Express your concern to management, maybe get a few months free while you look for other accommodations for your mother, but to file suit seems a bit extreme.
But the story only gets better and this is where I'm about to go all the way in on this clown...
If you look closely at the picture of "Mattie" (that's just the name I'm using cause it felt right) as she is stuffing this man's draws and making it rain, there is a lady sitting next to her looking on in amusement with a smile on her face. This woman is the girlfriend of the son.YEP... for lack of better term, she's "Mattie's" daughter-in-law!!! GET THE FRICK OUTTA HERE!!!!
You mean to tell me that at no time did the thought cross your mind as you were visiting "Mattie" that you should have pushed her wheelchair out of the room or covered her eyes or started praying or something!!! Not once could you find a way of escape. You just sitting back grinning like a Cheshire cat?!? I spend quite a bit of time with my 85yr old grandma and if something is a little "too hot" for tv I change the channel out of respect alone (not to mention no one wants to watch folks make out with an 85yr old baptist church mother!!!) Her only defense was "I just couldn't believe it. But, it's not in my hands to say anything." BYE FELICIA!!! Nah... you just didn't do anything cause you had already placed your "love offering" in his waistband. AND you sat through it, but still didn't call your boo afterward to tell the story. No call or nothing to say "Bay, you not gonna believe what happened when I went to see Ma Mattie today!!!" otherwise he wouldn't have been mad when he found the picture.
So, bruh, let's talk about the real issue. It's not the nursing home's fault. The resident committee voted and several other communities have come forth as saying this isn't anything new. The residents didn't object, it was all in fun, the patients safety wasn't at risk and no other relative of a patient (to our knowledge) is complaining. Just like anything else that happens "Mattie" had a choice. Did you sue when your mom didn't eat all of her dinner because she didn't want carrots that day, or did you sue when they showed a Madea movie instead of an old black and white film? Did you get hot when ping-pong was voted in over a Bid-Whidst tournament? No, you didn't cause it was a matter of CHOICE! Even if she wasn't in the best state of mind that day, your girlfriend certainly had a chance to intervene, but she didn't because she enjoyed the daylight all male review and didn't even have to pay a cover charge!!!
You probably hadn't visited your mom in months anyway and when you did you saw your chick in a picture with your mom and a stripper and now you're feeling some kinda way and now you're trying to find someone to blame and get paid because now you're shame...When it comes to your foolish attempts, allow me to quote the great words of Juvenille, sir, "Back that thang up!!!" (which is probably what "Mattie" and your girl was saying too!)
And to think, all of this could've been avoided had some of the women not been jealous because the male residents went on a field trip to Hooters... *shrugs* 2 wrongs don't make a right, but 3 rights make a left!!!
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Tracks of my tears #selfie
I'm going to go ahead and say this upfront. This is a very spontaneous blog post that I just decided write while seeing another post on Facebook and I may even muster up the courage to give you a visual before I'm done...
There is currently a link from tickld.com that I've seen several times on Facebook titled "20 Things Women Do That Men Probably Don't Know About" which is an accurately amusing list of things some of us have kept a secret for a while. (Who let this list get out??? What happened to Girl Code?) As I was reading and came across number 3 which states "Watched themselves cry in the mirror at least once during a heavy cry session"
I immediately started laughing because it reminded of something I did one time in an irrational fit of heartbreak. I'm sharing this with you because I know someone can relate and I'm glad I can look back on it and laugh. (or you'll think I'm totally nuts, but either way "My Life, Your laugh!!!)
I won't tell you how long ago this was but you will be able to figure out that it wasn't in my teen years from the context of this story, so here goes: (Ok seriously y'all I'm so tickled I can barely type!)
If you keep up with me via social media, my blog and certainly in real life, you'll know my love life (or lack there of) can't even be compared to a roller coaster of emotions; it's a whole amusement park!!! During one of the many break-ups of me and my on again/off again boyfriend of many years, I met a guy and we started hanging out. Nothing too serious. We would go to dinner, movies, if I had an event, he'd be my "plus one". Eventually, we started spending more time together because we ended up living in the same neighborhood and nobody wants to have pizza and go to the RedBox alone. There were no rules, we didn't "go together" and honestly, at the time I was actually interested in someone at my church. I thought there were we fine until...
I had recently been going through quite a bit at work, had a death in the family and... well it was just a lot going on. I got my hair done one Friday afternoon and felt like going out. It had been a few weeks and I decided to call my homeboy, but he didn't answer. I left a message and he responded with a text that said something like "Hey. I can't hangout tonight. I'm hanging out with my girlfriend." WHAAAAAAAAAAAA??? Did he just say "GIRLFRIEND??? I was done! We'd known each other for years and why didn't I know about this new chick??? Did I get played? I was confused (but mind you I had been going out with other folks too. Cue Jamie Foxx "Just Like Me") Well obviously in a fit of PMS hormone induced emotion, I immediately started crying uncontrollably. I called my best friend (who is a guy) all the way in NC and he was unmoved by yet another outburst (I used to be a slight drama queen.) And here's where the story relates to the list above on a whole new level...
I had also recently got an upgrade on my cellphone and was fascinated, dare I say slightly obsessed with taking what is now known as a "selfie". I don't know what came over me but as I was crying, I had my phone in my hand. I'm not sure if my initial intentions were to send him a text to let him know he broke my heart, maybe I was going to play some "woe is me" R&B tunes, but when I looked at the screen and saw my reflection I hit the camera button. And with tears running down my face and eyes swollen from crying I snapped, not one, but 3 pictures of myself!!! Wait for it... then I sent them to my bff so he would feel bad for not realizing how bad I was feeling. And then he called me back only to laugh in my face, which only made me more upset. I was a wreck and to this day I'm still not sure why I was so distraught!!! It was like something out of a very bad romantic comedy.
Eventually I pulled myself together and the next day I wasn't quite over it, but I when I saw those pics on my phone I thought to myself "Really? Did you really do that?" To this day I can call my bff, mention those pictures and we laugh like we're on nitrous oxide!!!
I know I'm not the only woman who has done something crazy like this, but I bet I'm the only one bold enough to share my pain so you could laugh!!!
I'm still not bold enough to share the pics in public, but if you know me and you NEED a good laugh at my expense text me cause I still got 'em for the sake of posterity
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Who run the world??? SQUIRRELS!!!
After a rough winter this week will mark the beginning of spring on the calender. I love spring time. I don't suffer from allergies so going outside and sitting on the porch or in the park with a good book brings me much delight. Here in NC we've had a few days of spring temperatures to give us a preview and with warmer temperatures our cute little furry friends like to come out of hiding and frolic with us. This is where the problem comes in. I've recently discovered squirrels don't like me and the feeling is now mutual!!!
You see, I'm a city-country girl. I wouldn't consider myself an animal lover, but I respect them in their natural habitat. Anywhere there is an abundance of trees chances are you will see these furry tailed creatures known as squirrels. I totally understand tree's are their thing. They climb trees, make burrows near trees, they eat the nuts of trees. I have never in my life taunted one of these cute creatures, but for some reason they seem to have it out for me.
When I was in college it seemed as though there were as many squirrels as there were students and they would let you know the brickyard really belonged to them. I can't tell you how many times I saw someone leave the Chik-Fil-A at lunch and get chased by a squirrel waiting for them to drop a fry crumb. I didn't give them a chance to chase me. Giving a fry to Chip and Dale wasn't gonna ruin my lunch. I even said a prayer of condolence when Hurricane Fran came through the campus and there were literally dead animals still clinging to acorns, with their fur soaked from rain that had been blown across the yard. I tried to be there friend.
But over the last few years it seems as though the tables have turned. One day me and a friend decided to grab some subs for lunch and enjoy them in the park. A squirrel comes by so I throw out some crumbs. It comes back. I didn't throw out any chips. It stood on it's hind legs and began to touch it's "nuts" as if to tell me to "jerk off!" Me and my friend looked at each other like "Did you see what I saw?" (You don't have to believe it. I have a witness and she will tell you that is the God in heaven truth. No exaggeration whatsoever!!!!) I was flashed by a rodent!!!
Then just last week when we had a preview of spring I'm sitting on the porch, reading on my kindle, enjoying an Arnold Palmer on crushed ice and I hear some rustling in the leaves. Ahhh, the sounds of spring. Only for me to look up and two squirrels start BARKING at me!!! WHAT THE HECK??? First of all I didn't know they made noise and I certainly wouldn't think that it should sound like a small dog bark. I look at them, they look at me, then they climb up the tree and start mating. I guess that was some sort of mating call and I was being intrusive. Granted, my house is surrounded by trees, but this house has been here for twenty years. I know this wasn't your turf first. I just know it. Take your rodent rendezvous to a forest, not my front yard. This is a family home for goodness sake.
I'm already afraid of deer (and rightfully so) but I will not allow these over sized mice with fluffy tails to run me out of my yard or the park bench!
If y'all hear me from a distance yelling "ALLLLVVVVVIIIINNNN!!!" just know they started it first!!!
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
The Grammy awards show... Why you mad tho?
Before I start this let me preface it with 2 statements:
I love Jesus!
I love music!
Got it? Good.
Every since I was a little girl, I've always loved watching the GRAMMY awards show. I had the joy of being a kid in the 80's when MJ was moonwalking with Emmanuel Lewis and Brook Shieldds as his dates (wait...retroactive redflag waving), Cyndi was a girl who just wanted to have fun, Madonna was much closer to being a virgin than she is now, Van Halen and White Snake were wearing big hair and animal print leggings, Andre Crouch and the Clark Sisters were "crossover" gospel artist who got a few minutes on the stage and yes, I'm old enough to remember when DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince were the first rappers to win the coveted award. I even got to stay up past my usual bedtime because they stayed on until 11pm. (I never had to beg or bargain. I think my parents just knew it would be better to let me stay up because I would be devastated if I missed one moment of Michael Jackson or any of his kin folks on the screen)
So let's fast forward to last night. The year 2014. The Staples Center in Los Angeles... host venue of the star studded GRAMMYs. Just like back in the day it opened up with an amazing performance by one of today's hottest acts, the most influential MARRIED (note the emphasis on that word and put a pin in it) couples in music, Beyoncé and JAY-Z. A few awards were given out, tributes were given, more amazing performances were given. Jay-Z wins an award, thanks God (but still gets some backlash cause folks don't listen to full statements in context), more awards, Beatles tribute and then almost at the end the usual cliché performance with a generic choir in robes comes but only as a follow up to a surprise modge-podge mass wedding of 33 couples of different races and sexual orientation being officiated by Queen Latifah and serenaded by Madonna. It was, all in all, a typical 21st century GRAMMY awards show celebrating the recording arts and the people who enjoy recordings of all genres.
So, ummm, I got a question... Why you mad tho? Social media was all abuzz last night on my timelines about how risqué Mr & Mrs. Carter (yep, they're married) were on stage because it was 8pm and your kids were still up. (And I bet a lot of those same kids know all the words to Drunk In Love cause they certainly know all of Bey's other songs.) Beyoncé Knowles Carter was in a relationship with her now husband for many years and we've never seen her be overly sexual with him on stage (that I can recall, and I saw them live at an awards show. Yep, I was there!) prior to them getting married. She's even stated how she's been inspired artistically by her marriage and the love that created her beautiful child. It's none of my business what they did when they were going together, but she didn't show up on a red carpet with a baby bump as Jay-Z's fiancé or girlfriend, she was Mrs. Carter! And last night she could've pulled a Robin Thick and Miley Cyrus move, but she was all over her husband who lives with her and their child. She's been an entertainer more than half her life and they still got bills to pay. Sounds like the American dream to me. So if you heard the music and saw the smoke and a scantily clad woman, but didn't change the channel...ummm. Yeah, have a seat in that same chair she was dancing on!
Then my timeline was mad at the end of the show because of the same-sex marriages within the mass wedding ceremony. Ok, I get it. Everyone doesn't like gay people and doesn't think they should be married. That's your opinion, you're entitled to it. (Right or wrong, I haven't expressed mine either way cause that's not what this is about right now). It's the GRAMMYs. It celebrates music and people and how music brings ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE TOGETHER! It wasn't on TBN or the WORD network. Supporting ethics, morals, popular opinion, or salvation isn't the job of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Scientists. And if my memory serves me correct, when church people had their chance to shine at the GRAMMY primetime show, y'all got mad cause Dr. Mattie Moss Clark and The Clark Sisters tried to bring church into that auditorium full of "secular" artist. If folks had just let well enough alone and not been so deep all those years ago, Tye Tribbett would've had Taylor Swift shouting all over that place to "He Turned It" (and you know I'm right cause Taylor dances to everybody!!!) instead of the controversial nuptials. All we do is criticize and then get upset when it gets taken away. Have all the seats in Lakewood, please!
My issue is why are we always trying to find something to be mad about and last night just proved how oxymoronic (look closely at the root word) we are in our thoughts. I can think of a lot of celebrity couples who aren't setting an example like the Carters as far as moral code goes (I mean there's another non-married couple who will remain nameless but they're shacking up with their baby in the grandma's house. Y'all know y'all can rent something. Just saying.) and if you don't like what you see during the awards show artistically, morally, wardrobe choice, stage setting, lighting...whatever, then don't watch and don't support the music. But if you are going to watch from beginning to end, don't blame the Academy. They give out awards for quality music and recordings (even books on tape). Our job as good Christian folks is to spread the Gospel and love of Christ, be fruits of the spirit and such. Uhhh, yeah, when's the last time you did that instead of dissing a good celebrity married couple or a same-sex couple on stage or a hip-hop artist in a weird hat or musicians in robot costumes?
Now I'm not saying Christian folks shouldn't feel compelled when they see things out of sorts I'm saying make sure you're in an uproar over the right thing. So flip over your WWJD bracelet and get this engraved on the other side: WYMT (Why you mad, tho?)
I'm not that deep. I'm still saved. One day during my life's journey, I'm going to the GRAMMYs, gonna have a good time and still be on my way to heaven and certainly enjoying the trip!
I love Jesus!
I love music!
Got it? Good.
Every since I was a little girl, I've always loved watching the GRAMMY awards show. I had the joy of being a kid in the 80's when MJ was moonwalking with Emmanuel Lewis and Brook Shieldds as his dates (wait...retroactive redflag waving), Cyndi was a girl who just wanted to have fun, Madonna was much closer to being a virgin than she is now, Van Halen and White Snake were wearing big hair and animal print leggings, Andre Crouch and the Clark Sisters were "crossover" gospel artist who got a few minutes on the stage and yes, I'm old enough to remember when DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince were the first rappers to win the coveted award. I even got to stay up past my usual bedtime because they stayed on until 11pm. (I never had to beg or bargain. I think my parents just knew it would be better to let me stay up because I would be devastated if I missed one moment of Michael Jackson or any of his kin folks on the screen)
So let's fast forward to last night. The year 2014. The Staples Center in Los Angeles... host venue of the star studded GRAMMYs. Just like back in the day it opened up with an amazing performance by one of today's hottest acts, the most influential MARRIED (note the emphasis on that word and put a pin in it) couples in music, Beyoncé and JAY-Z. A few awards were given out, tributes were given, more amazing performances were given. Jay-Z wins an award, thanks God (but still gets some backlash cause folks don't listen to full statements in context), more awards, Beatles tribute and then almost at the end the usual cliché performance with a generic choir in robes comes but only as a follow up to a surprise modge-podge mass wedding of 33 couples of different races and sexual orientation being officiated by Queen Latifah and serenaded by Madonna. It was, all in all, a typical 21st century GRAMMY awards show celebrating the recording arts and the people who enjoy recordings of all genres.
So, ummm, I got a question... Why you mad tho? Social media was all abuzz last night on my timelines about how risqué Mr & Mrs. Carter (yep, they're married) were on stage because it was 8pm and your kids were still up. (And I bet a lot of those same kids know all the words to Drunk In Love cause they certainly know all of Bey's other songs.) Beyoncé Knowles Carter was in a relationship with her now husband for many years and we've never seen her be overly sexual with him on stage (that I can recall, and I saw them live at an awards show. Yep, I was there!) prior to them getting married. She's even stated how she's been inspired artistically by her marriage and the love that created her beautiful child. It's none of my business what they did when they were going together, but she didn't show up on a red carpet with a baby bump as Jay-Z's fiancé or girlfriend, she was Mrs. Carter! And last night she could've pulled a Robin Thick and Miley Cyrus move, but she was all over her husband who lives with her and their child. She's been an entertainer more than half her life and they still got bills to pay. Sounds like the American dream to me. So if you heard the music and saw the smoke and a scantily clad woman, but didn't change the channel...ummm. Yeah, have a seat in that same chair she was dancing on!
Then my timeline was mad at the end of the show because of the same-sex marriages within the mass wedding ceremony. Ok, I get it. Everyone doesn't like gay people and doesn't think they should be married. That's your opinion, you're entitled to it. (Right or wrong, I haven't expressed mine either way cause that's not what this is about right now). It's the GRAMMYs. It celebrates music and people and how music brings ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE TOGETHER! It wasn't on TBN or the WORD network. Supporting ethics, morals, popular opinion, or salvation isn't the job of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Scientists. And if my memory serves me correct, when church people had their chance to shine at the GRAMMY primetime show, y'all got mad cause Dr. Mattie Moss Clark and The Clark Sisters tried to bring church into that auditorium full of "secular" artist. If folks had just let well enough alone and not been so deep all those years ago, Tye Tribbett would've had Taylor Swift shouting all over that place to "He Turned It" (and you know I'm right cause Taylor dances to everybody!!!) instead of the controversial nuptials. All we do is criticize and then get upset when it gets taken away. Have all the seats in Lakewood, please!
My issue is why are we always trying to find something to be mad about and last night just proved how oxymoronic (look closely at the root word) we are in our thoughts. I can think of a lot of celebrity couples who aren't setting an example like the Carters as far as moral code goes (I mean there's another non-married couple who will remain nameless but they're shacking up with their baby in the grandma's house. Y'all know y'all can rent something. Just saying.) and if you don't like what you see during the awards show artistically, morally, wardrobe choice, stage setting, lighting...whatever, then don't watch and don't support the music. But if you are going to watch from beginning to end, don't blame the Academy. They give out awards for quality music and recordings (even books on tape). Our job as good Christian folks is to spread the Gospel and love of Christ, be fruits of the spirit and such. Uhhh, yeah, when's the last time you did that instead of dissing a good celebrity married couple or a same-sex couple on stage or a hip-hop artist in a weird hat or musicians in robot costumes?
Now I'm not saying Christian folks shouldn't feel compelled when they see things out of sorts I'm saying make sure you're in an uproar over the right thing. So flip over your WWJD bracelet and get this engraved on the other side: WYMT (Why you mad, tho?)
I'm not that deep. I'm still saved. One day during my life's journey, I'm going to the GRAMMYs, gonna have a good time and still be on my way to heaven and certainly enjoying the trip!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
2014: You betta ask somebody!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS!!!
Yikes... 2014 is here! It seems like it just came out of nowhere. One day it was February 2013 then all of a sudden it was December 2013. So much happened last year and it got me to thinking: A lot of what I went through might have been avoided or I would have been better prepared had I simply started asking questions. And not just me asking questions, but if people had asked me questions then I would've been honest and when I gave the answers maybe I would've realized the truths I was hiding from everyone else all for the sake of pride. This revelation came to me while having lunch with my good girlfriends on New Year's Eve and they were shocked by some of the things I was revealing. Granted there were some things I was just too shamed to tell them because ...well never mind, that's another story for another day. Just know there is truth in the saying "Why do fools fall in love?" But for the most part I'm very transparent with my friends and if you ask me something I will tell you what really went down. I told them they should have just asked.
Not only did my conversation with my girls get my wheels turning, but I thought about how my best friend (who's a guy) knows just about everything there is to know about me because he ask questions. Never pushy, he just has a way of casually getting information out of people. He can talk to a complete stranger in the grocery store line and get their personal version of "ROOTS" between the Pepsi cooler and the plastic bags. Meanwhile, I can go out with someone for lunch 3 times in the same week and not know their hometown. I'm exaggerating, but not by much. He's always getting on me for not asking questions or not getting enough details. (this has caused countless arguments and frustrating moments when we get asked to perform. I'm like "If we got mics, keyboard and amp, I'm good. He's all "How high are the ceilings and how many chairs cause that will determine the acoustics...yada yada") *shrugs*
Not only have my in-person conversations made me scratch my temples, but in this age of social media and texting and such, I've realized questions need to be asked for the sake of clarification. Tone and inflection isn't always interpreted via text, even when you use emojis (Watch out for that semi-colon winky smiley cause he/she is breaking up happy homes) Sarcasm and rhetorical questions don't always go over well via text. Inside jokes are taken out of context to people who aren't in the know. Facebook isn't the place for innocent nicknames that could also be used as a term of endearment or perhaps one person is posting something the other party isn't fully committed to. For example: You're tagged in a picture with someone of the opposite sex out on the town and the caption says "Me and my boo. I love me some him/her!" And folks are commenting "Awww...Y'all make a cute couple." (cause it seems like y'all are very coupled up) but then the tagged person status and inbox says "Oh no, I'm still VERY single". Someone needs to ask questions for the sake of clarity in this season coming off Christmas headed into Valentine's Day! (not saying it happened, just saying)
So to keep history from preventing itself I've proclaimed 2014: The YEAR OF DIRECT INQUIRY!!! I'm asking questions folks!!! It's up to the people I ask to be honest when I ask them, but I promise you I'm about to ask. I've even come up with a list of top 10 questions that I should've asked in the past but I think may work in 2014. (in no particular order)
1.Are you single AND available? Follow-up: You're not in a sketchy marriage, you don't live with your baby mama, I won't see you on Instagram kissing a woman at a party in a post from last Saturday???
2. Have you recently been arrested and for what? White collar, blue collar, misdemeanor, child support, sex offender, domestic violence, bad checks??? (Note: you can also ask this same question about loss of job)
3. Do you work a real job? As in you file taxes, you're not on mental disability, or stealing your parents/grandparents SSI.
4. (For employers) Have you ever had payroll checks bounce? Will I be shamed at the bank on payday? (Note: Question #2 might also need to be asked of a new boss or employer)
5. Before we go out, do you have money? Follow up: Do you have enough money for the date we're going on? Do you have more than 5 dollars in your pocket and/or bank account combined because I will not help you if you have to go to your car and get change out of the ashtray?
6. Do you have kids? If so how many? And how often do you see them? Is there anyone who could possibly be currently pregnant with your child?
7. Are you a Christian? Are you saved? Like for real saved or are you trying to make me one of the "Sister Wives" or part of a sex cult?
8. May I see a copy of your 3rd grade report card or school records? Follow up or in lieu of: Your 6th and 8th grade writing competency tests, CATs, SATs, ACTs and/or High School senior class project.
9.Tell me about your best friend? Follow up: Are you referring to an imaginary friend?
10. Are you crazy? (Note: if they adamantly say they are NOT crazy and get offended by this question, the answer is YES, they are crazy and trumps any of the other answers)
Now of course, always go with your instinct but this year my inquisitiveness will fuel my instinct. The Bible says the people will perish for a lack of knowledge and I'm not going down this year because I didn't ask!!! I'm asking folks and I'm asking the Lord for guidance cause another year like 2013... AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!!
*starts singing The Winans *
Let's make it a good one y'all!
Nilly B!
Yikes... 2014 is here! It seems like it just came out of nowhere. One day it was February 2013 then all of a sudden it was December 2013. So much happened last year and it got me to thinking: A lot of what I went through might have been avoided or I would have been better prepared had I simply started asking questions. And not just me asking questions, but if people had asked me questions then I would've been honest and when I gave the answers maybe I would've realized the truths I was hiding from everyone else all for the sake of pride. This revelation came to me while having lunch with my good girlfriends on New Year's Eve and they were shocked by some of the things I was revealing. Granted there were some things I was just too shamed to tell them because ...well never mind, that's another story for another day. Just know there is truth in the saying "Why do fools fall in love?" But for the most part I'm very transparent with my friends and if you ask me something I will tell you what really went down. I told them they should have just asked.
Not only did my conversation with my girls get my wheels turning, but I thought about how my best friend (who's a guy) knows just about everything there is to know about me because he ask questions. Never pushy, he just has a way of casually getting information out of people. He can talk to a complete stranger in the grocery store line and get their personal version of "ROOTS" between the Pepsi cooler and the plastic bags. Meanwhile, I can go out with someone for lunch 3 times in the same week and not know their hometown. I'm exaggerating, but not by much. He's always getting on me for not asking questions or not getting enough details. (this has caused countless arguments and frustrating moments when we get asked to perform. I'm like "If we got mics, keyboard and amp, I'm good. He's all "How high are the ceilings and how many chairs cause that will determine the acoustics...yada yada") *shrugs*
Not only have my in-person conversations made me scratch my temples, but in this age of social media and texting and such, I've realized questions need to be asked for the sake of clarification. Tone and inflection isn't always interpreted via text, even when you use emojis (Watch out for that semi-colon winky smiley cause he/she is breaking up happy homes) Sarcasm and rhetorical questions don't always go over well via text. Inside jokes are taken out of context to people who aren't in the know. Facebook isn't the place for innocent nicknames that could also be used as a term of endearment or perhaps one person is posting something the other party isn't fully committed to. For example: You're tagged in a picture with someone of the opposite sex out on the town and the caption says "Me and my boo. I love me some him/her!" And folks are commenting "Awww...Y'all make a cute couple." (cause it seems like y'all are very coupled up) but then the tagged person status and inbox says "Oh no, I'm still VERY single". Someone needs to ask questions for the sake of clarity in this season coming off Christmas headed into Valentine's Day! (not saying it happened, just saying)
So to keep history from preventing itself I've proclaimed 2014: The YEAR OF DIRECT INQUIRY!!! I'm asking questions folks!!! It's up to the people I ask to be honest when I ask them, but I promise you I'm about to ask. I've even come up with a list of top 10 questions that I should've asked in the past but I think may work in 2014. (in no particular order)
1.Are you single AND available? Follow-up: You're not in a sketchy marriage, you don't live with your baby mama, I won't see you on Instagram kissing a woman at a party in a post from last Saturday???
2. Have you recently been arrested and for what? White collar, blue collar, misdemeanor, child support, sex offender, domestic violence, bad checks??? (Note: you can also ask this same question about loss of job)
3. Do you work a real job? As in you file taxes, you're not on mental disability, or stealing your parents/grandparents SSI.
4. (For employers) Have you ever had payroll checks bounce? Will I be shamed at the bank on payday? (Note: Question #2 might also need to be asked of a new boss or employer)
5. Before we go out, do you have money? Follow up: Do you have enough money for the date we're going on? Do you have more than 5 dollars in your pocket and/or bank account combined because I will not help you if you have to go to your car and get change out of the ashtray?
6. Do you have kids? If so how many? And how often do you see them? Is there anyone who could possibly be currently pregnant with your child?
7. Are you a Christian? Are you saved? Like for real saved or are you trying to make me one of the "Sister Wives" or part of a sex cult?
8. May I see a copy of your 3rd grade report card or school records? Follow up or in lieu of: Your 6th and 8th grade writing competency tests, CATs, SATs, ACTs and/or High School senior class project.
9.Tell me about your best friend? Follow up: Are you referring to an imaginary friend?
10. Are you crazy? (Note: if they adamantly say they are NOT crazy and get offended by this question, the answer is YES, they are crazy and trumps any of the other answers)
Now of course, always go with your instinct but this year my inquisitiveness will fuel my instinct. The Bible says the people will perish for a lack of knowledge and I'm not going down this year because I didn't ask!!! I'm asking folks and I'm asking the Lord for guidance cause another year like 2013... AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!!!
*starts singing The Winans *
Let's make it a good one y'all!
Nilly B!
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