Can she hear me now???

 Grandma and me at our family reunion

One of the joys of being unemployed and moving back to NC is I get to spend more time with my 83yr old grandma who's lived in the same small town she was born in all of her life. (I've mentioned her a few times on my blog before) She thinks I'm wild and I think the same about her, so when we get together it's all the way LIVE! Her wisdom is invaluable and she's very sharp with her quick witted comebacks. She's in decent health and is still in her right mind, but she is very amazed with the technological advances and innovations she's seen happen in her lifetime. She's had cable tv for a while, has a cell phone, wi-fi (my aunt got it hooked up at the house), but Grandma is still in awe whenever she gets on Skype with her grand kids, great-grand kids, and great-great grand kids who live several states away. The first time she skyped she went on for days about how they always said one day you'd be able to see and talk to somebody but she still can't believe she could see them on "the tv" (computer screen). I can only imagine how someone who was born during the depression and remembers when tv's were invented feels when they see today's technology. I mean even I think we're but a few years away from flying cars like the Jetsons and I'm a generation X-er. But nothing prepared me for the episode that took place while we were on vacation...



Grandma and me on the boardwalk at Virginia Beach

I was invited to tag along on vacation to Virginia Beach with my youngest aunt and my grandma. I figured since I wasn't working yet I might as well enjoy the liberty to travel once again. So we left Wednesday and typed in our destination to my aunt's built-in GPS, but at the advice of several relatives we decided not to go the suggest route and take some quicker back roads. After what seemed like driving all day (but it was only about an hour and half) on these two lane country roads we end up in civilization and decide to use the GPS to the rest of the way. Not only did it get us to our hotel, but we used it throughout the city to get us around. Grandma was very quiet and listened intensely to the directions from the female voice and referred to it as "she", "her" or "the lady". Often she asked "What did she say?" making sure my aunt turned and followed "her" directions.
On our second day vacation we decided to find a mall and once again "the lady" got us to our destination without issue. Since it was a mall we didn't follow the GPS to the very end of the route and my aunt began to drive around the perimeter of the mall parking lot so we could scope out the anchor stores and surrounding shops near the mall. Me and my aunt begin pointing out various stores "Oooh Dillards." "Oh an Old Navy" and grandma says excitedly while pointing "Look... there's a MAXY'S!" We look in the direction she's pointing and my aunt says with a chuckle "Mama... that's MACY'S" and we all began to laugh. (Grandma is known for not quite reading something right, so even when we correct her she laughs at herself just as much as we do.)
I start laughing even harder because she's tickled herself, but then grandma stops laughing and says shamefully "Y'all better hush that fuss before them people hear you!"
My aunt looks at me, and I look at her like "who is she talking about?" I look out the window thinking maybe there was some people in the parking lot or perhaps a car beside us. No one is near us.
So my aunt turns to her and says "Uhhh mama what people?"
Grandma says with all seriousness in a whispery voice..."The lady 'nem" and points to the GPS screen!!!
My aunt and I looked at each other and LOST IT! I mean I hollered even louder. My aunt is trying to explain to her there really isn't a lady talking to us but we can't pull it together. We're laughing so hard that once again grandma starts laughing which only makes me laugh even harder.
And the more I thought about how grandma referred to the GPS as "the lady"  and was unusually quiet the whole trip, the funnier it was and the louder I hollered!!!
Later on that evening we finally figured out why she might have been confused a little. The GPS and bluetooth work very similarly so when we call someone they can hear everyone in the car and we're thinking grandma must've thought "the lady" giving the directions could hear us too.
I don't know who the female voice is behind the Dodge GPS systems is but wherever you are in the satellite atmosphere... thank you for the directions and the best laugh I've had in a while!

Job Fair or Sideshow?

After almost 10 months of being unemployed I've yet to hit the lottery or be discovered by a talent scout, so, like most out-of-work people in our country, I am actively looking for work. I scour the job sites, scroll through company web postings for openings and occasionally I hear of a job fair being held near by that I plan on attending. Most job fairs are well publicized so they draw people from all backgrounds looking for various types of employment which can prove to be interesting. The job fair I attended today was no different. It had been advertised in the local paper and was held in the mall atrium so of course it was open to the public.
Now don't get me wrong, I understand that there are people from all walks of life currently looking for employment thus the demographic of people attending these events can vary. I am by no means looking down on anyone but I will say this: You don't get a second chance at a first impression!
I know times and fashions have changed but when you're going to look for employment you should put a little effort into your appearance and behavior. This is not about being superficial, materialistic, or trendy, it's about being decent and in order. It's like when some people hear "fair" they automatically think "circus".
I have compiled a list of things that should never be seen at a job fair or interview*, but I yet I witnessed them today. (and trust me I'm not creative enough to make this stuff up)

1.  Tattoos are a touchy subject. Some work places are liberal in this area, but please don't show up seeking employment with a sleeveless blouse on if you're tatted from the elbow up to your neck.
2. A blouse and slacks is a nice business wear choice, but not when the blouse is one shouldered and certainly not when you're going to wear it with a regular bra thus the strap is showing on the bare shoulder.
3. And to add:  if you are wearing anything out of order that might show your bra (low back, halter,etc.) make sure the plastic security tag isn't showing on your bra. Note I didn't say price tag. Hard plastic security tag as in "Ma'am did you steal your bra???" (yep... I actually saw this!!!)
4. Guys, a dress shirt and slacks can be acceptable, but not a dress shirt with jeans and certainly not jeans with the namebrand (i.e. Rockawear, FUBU, etc.) and stitching in bright purple thread going down the front and back legs.
5. Lest it's for a religious purpose, a head scarf or bonnet is not an option!!!
6. Sexual preference is none of my business but I do know you can be androgynous and still be appropriate. A nice button up shirt and slacks works much better on a woman than a men's shiny 2 piece club outfit.
7. If you and your boo are both out of work, or your boo had to bring you to the job fair cause you didn't have a way there, hand holding, necking and other public displays of affection while greeting the recruiters isn't going to get you hired. The recruiter probably doesn't even want to shake your hand. Ewww!
8. Comb your hair. I'm not saying you have to be fresh out of a salon chair, but to look like you rolled out of bed after being chased by Freddy Krueger in your dream isn't a good look either.
9. Filling out an application on your homeboy's back... Really though??? Find a table or a clipboard for goodness sake.
10. Walking up to a booth and saying "Ayye, what y'all do?" #FAIL

I know it's hard out here for a pimp, but please don't make it easier for employers to pimp slap your resume or application straight into file 13 by looking or acting foolish.
Hey...maybe I should start a seminar or organization that stands outside of job fairs with a mirror and tells people to do better! If I can help somebody as a pass along the way...


*Note: This list isn't just for job fairs. Some of these things simply shouldn't happen no matter where you are going.

Reflections of a Shoe Shopaholic: Back to School!

This weekend I've been involved in the important preparation for my 14yr old niece's first day of high school. She went to her open house on Thursday to see her new school, Friday I took her to the beauty salon to get her hair done and yesterday I went to the mall with her and her dad to get polo shirts in various colors as part of the school dress code and shoes (which are apparently fair game as far as wardrobe goes). We even picked up some funky costume jewels to accessorize her uniform. All this hype about high school made me give some nostalgic commentary on my first day of high school which seemed to be nothing but high comedy to my niece.
Everyone who knows me knows I'm a fashionista and have high maintenance diva tendencies. My hair (real or weave) is always put together. I always have jewels on my neck, ears, fingers and wrist and like most women I LOVE shoes! But this wasn't always the case which is the testimony that took her into a fit of laughter.
We went into store after store looking for...gasp...SNEAKERS!!! Everywhere we went she was spouting off the number of an Air Jordan or Lebron or Griffey. If it wasn't gym shoes it was a hunt for something called a Sperry (which I couldn't tell the difference between the Sperry, or the Highland off brand, but I'm old so who cares). Seriously going to Foot Locker with her and her dad was like going to DSW for me and my sister. She can wear a kid's size sneaker so when we went to these stores she asked for her size they brought it out she tried it on, it fit and she had her pick of shoes everywhere we went. If they didn't have the color we tried another store. After what felt like the hundredth store she found this shoe she wanted in a color choice that we'd been hunting for. Now let me say my niece isn't spoiled but if the waters are stirred and she has her daddy at her beck and call hey why not ask the sales person if they have another shoe she'd been looking for...
And that's when I had some sort of flashback outburst that may need to be worked out in a therapy session. I look at her and ask "Haven't we tried on enough shoes today? I mean how many pairs of sneakers do you need? You could be going to the 9th grade wearing patent leather tie ups or orthopedic shoes!!!" And she laughed like I was joking, but I was apparently venting 22yrs later and was so serious.
 I know for a fact I looked a fool mess on my first day of high school, but you couldn't tell me back then. Actually a uniform would've been less shameless. My clothes were homemade but weren't too bad (my grandma could see then and was a great seamstress). I was rockin' the polka dots like Kwame in the 90's but my head and feet were a shameful mess. I had a jheri curl/fro/mullet going on, huge red eyeglasses a la Sally Jesse Raphael and thanks to the trendy one hit wonder Oaktown 357 I was able to wear ESPRIT patent leather tie-ups with satin ribbon laces. "YEAH,YEAH, YEAH! YEAH, YEAH, aww YEAH!" I wore those shoes until there were holes in the soles. They were the first pair of shoes I ever owned that I didn't have to wear with some sort of special insert for my extremely flat and awkward feet. Even in middle school gym class when every one else wore cute white Keds I had an off brand Reebok style high top with velcro around the ankle. Not because it was stylish, but because every other shoe slipped off my narrow heel. My other pairs of shoes were indeed slip on leather orthopedic cafeteria worker type shoes to help my weak arch. Fortunately my personality and big red glasses kept people's focus away from my shoes and I even got compliments on my custom made red and white polka dot pallazo pants.
I finally came into a better sense of style somewhere around winter and by the spring I had been set free from the jheri curl and realized shoes with a heel seemed to fit a little better. My mom bought me my first pair of pink pumps for Easter and there was no turning back.(Now y'all understand my love for a good heel is really a theraputic breakthrough!) I haven't bought a pair of orthopedic shoes since. Well at least not a pair that is recognizable as orthopedic. Easy Spirit as come a long way and I thank God!
Anywhoooo ...I was glad I was confident enough to know I was a nice person and my appearance didn't make or break me in high school. Most girls go through that awkward stage, whether it's braces, head gear, special shoes, bad perms, flat chest or acne, but true beauty shines from the inside out and will blossom into something very special if you stay true to yourself. My friends and classmates liked me for who I am, not what I wore. I still got my lesson (as grandma would say), was in honors classes and I will best be remembered from my high school classmates as a bubbly girl who kept everyone laughing (and I still hold my title of "Best Sense of Humor c/o 1994 dear to my heart). And what really matters is that you still don't look a mess at your 10yr reunion cause then there may be cause for an intervention and an extreme makeover.

TLC??? Honey Boo-Boo makes me wanna boo-hoo

I remember when I was in college back in the late 1990's my friends and I would rush home from class to watch A Baby Story and A Wedding Story every weekday afternoon. In the mornings the same station showed wonderful shows on fitness and nutrition; in the evenings they aired fascinating programs about nature, the human body and other scientific phenomena. The Learning Channel (TLC for short) made us feel a little better about watching TV when we probably should've been somewhere studying.
But if someone had told me 15yrs later this same channel (which still has the call letters TLC) would be home to such shows as Toddlers and Tiaras (inside the world of hotel ballroom kid pageants and pageant parents), My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding (the gypsy subculture has the most outrageous weddings and events. BLING!), Extreme Couponing (these people clear out grocery stores for like 10 dollars after multiplying then subtracting tons of coupons. And I will admit its kind of amazing) but tonight topped them all with the premiere of Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo!
Now I consider myself somewhat of an expert on pop-culture so when it comes to these reality shows I'm not ashamed to say I watch a lot of them if for no other reason but because it may come up on a big screen electronic trivia game at a bar one night and might help me get my wing basket on the house, but I digress... That being said, I was familiar with little miss Alana and Mama June from both Toddlers and Tiaras as well as Extreme Couponing, but nothing could've prepared me for the display I saw tonight. I've heard this 6yr old pageant contestant drawl her catch phrase "A dolla makes me holla Honey Boo-Boo!" and "You betta redneckognize!" (instead of recognize) on the previous shows and the commercials so I wasn't expecting Emmy award quality TV by any means. Based on the commercials with her sisters arguing "We are not rednecks" with her parents, I was hoping the show wouldn't fuel the ignorant southerner stereotype, but unfortunately that's not the case.
I literally sat with my mouth dropped open as I watched back-to-back episodes of this family from Georgia somewhere near Macon as they participated in the "Redneck Games" (which involved such events as bobbing for raw pig feet and belly flopping in the mud), the mom making a (possible) joking reference to scratching the "bugs" in her hair, farting contest as part of losing weight, a pet pig as a consolation prize to losing a beauty pageant for Honey Boo-Boo, and the entire family (including the 6yr old) accompanying the eldest daughter (age 17) to her OB/GYN ultrasound for her soon to arrive child. They even let Honey Boo-Boo put the ultrasound jelly on her sister's belly and... wait for it... HBB even put some jelly on her stomach and asked the med-tech could she see the chicken nuggets she'd eaten earlier that day. The med-tech happily obliged.
I had said earlier today Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo would culturally balance out the shame of shows like Love & Hip-Hop ATL and The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but after watching tonight there is a greater level of deep seeded concern for Little Miss Alana and the rest of the "Boo-Boo" family. LHHATL and RHOA are "reality" shows that are often scripted, twisted and edited to highten the drama and shenanigans. Sadly this is not the case on Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo. The southern accent and dialect is so thick they had subtitles for most of the cast commentary. You can't script or set up a redneck festival complete with a mudhole and Confederate flag decorations in the middle of nowhere. Allow me to paraphrase the gospel great Shirley Caesar "Naw...Honey Boo-Boo ain't playin' this time". NOPE these shenanigans are real and raw bringing shame to whatever school district is closest to the city of production. How in the world does a channel that used to stand for "The Learning Channel" feel like airing this is ok? Unless this is a terrible trick and a zenith comes at the end of  the season highlighting Honey Boo-Boo, her sisters, along with her parents being tutored and participating in honors ceremonies I guess I'll continue to watch with entertaining disbelief.
TLC the only thing I've learned from watching this show is a new meaning for "biscuit", but I'll be tuned in next week for sure!

To ATL and Back: A wrinkle in time

It's been about a month and a half since I posted anything because honestly I didn't really have anything lengthy to write about that would go with the theme of this blog. I mean my situation hasn't changed much and I've been in somewhat of a funk for the past few weeks or so.
I debated on whether or not to even blog concerning the thoughts that are in my head, but after reading a fellow blogger/cousin's transparent post I felt maybe this would help someone too. (Thanks LaWanda)
Over the last couple of days I've been reminiscing about when I first moved to Atlanta and how I ended up on such a journey. I moved to "Hotlanta" on August 3, 2002. Of course I didn't just get in my car one day and leave, but I do believe it was a spirit led desire and decision from the beginning. God told me where to apply for a job, a few months later I got that job, they told me to come the next week.(I didn't even have time to give myself a fabulous going away party). I got my hair done that Friday ( I wasn't going to start a new job looking a mess), filled my car with gas and that Saturday (with 18 dollars to my name) I left North Carolina with Georgia on my mind. I cried most of the way down I-85 because I was overcome with sadness and fear. But when I got to what I now know is Gwinnett County scanning for a radio station (not realizing how close I was) and the radio stopped on V-103. I'll never forget the first songs I heard as I approached Spaghetti Junction and could see downtown in the distance... Pastor Troy's "Are We Cuttin" and "Welcome to Atlanta (the remix)... and my eyes began to fill with tears, but this time of joy and relief because I had made it. I had no friends or family there; all I had was the faith that this is where God wanted me to be.

So here I sit 10 years later back in North Carolina reflecting over that time in my life and how much I've grown. I discovered so much about myself, about people and above all about who God is. I can't say I didn't make some mistakes but God has always been faithful. That's what I keep reminding myself. God has not changed! I'm not the same young naive lady I was at 25, and even though I'm a little older and wiser doesn't mean I don't still get scared and have my doubts. I may not ever move back to Atlanta and I don't know where God may lead me next but one thing's for certain but the same way God heard my prayers and ordered my steps then, He can and will do it again!

(Let me say this was very difficult to write, but very therapeutic. I'm pretty sure it didn't make you laugh much, but I hope it encouraged you to keep the faith! I'll be funny again in a few days.)

Daddy's Home...

Tomorrow is Father's Day and my efforts to find a decent card for my dad have been exhausting. We won't even talk about how many stores I went to before I saw a card that said "Brother", and to find one that said Brother-in-Law was almost a dummy mission, but I did manage to find one in a locally owned bootleg dollar tree-type store. All of them are really great fathers who deserve honor where it is due.
But here's what's troubling me. I've seen people on social media sites saying no one cares about Father's Day or they didn't even realize Father's Day was coming up. Retailers have put forth some effort to place a nice older gentleman in a golfing outfit on the front of their sales adds, but certainly not the same hoopla we heard about Mother's Day. This got me to thinking: why isn't Father's Day celebrated with the same sincerity.
I realize that in today's society there are a lot more children growing up in homes without fathers for various reasons. Some chose to abandoned their kids, some don't even know the child exist, maybe it's the mother keeping him away (yeah, women can be some vindictive bitties sometimes), and their are lots of children who's father's are now angels watching over them... I don't know all the circumstances behind absentee fathers but what I do know is this isn't every one's testimony.
I am unapologetically a daddy's girl! Yes... I LOVE MY DADDY! He's an old-school manly man so he doesn't say a lot of mushy stuff and his way of expressing his love for me is to check the oil in my car and the pressure in my tires before I get on the road. I can't recall one night my daddy didn't come home to his 3 kids. I don't even think my daddy has spent the night in a hospital away from us. As a matter of fact, for many years he was the face that greeted me at the end of the day at nursery school. I loved riding with daddy in his pick-up truck because he listened to R&B music (Mom listened to gospel on the AM station. I had balance even as a kid.) He taught me to ride a bike, put up with my violin practice and was one of my biggest (yet surprised) fans when I started singing. He even went with me to my after-prom party junior year because my mom insisted he chaperoned. He sat there all night til 4am with the other parents and acted like he didn't know me. (We were both so through with mama that night, but I did end up having a good time.)
When I left for college, and dropped out and went back and dropped out and went back and finished, daddy never expressed his disappointment and moved all of my clothes and shoes without ever murmuring a complaint. He helped me move into my first apartment and was the first person to cross the threshold. "This ain't bad. I mean since it's free (I was a resident director) yeah... this is nice!"
And when I made the decision to move to Atlanta, it became to real to him on the day I left. He couldn't look me in the eye, but he said "I don't know why you're leaving, but be careful." and walked out the room. But when I came back to visit after a month and had survived he made sure to tell everyone at his high school reunion and family reunion "Yeah, you know my daughter lives in Atlanta now." I, along with my siblings and his grandkids, am my dad's pride and joy.
I have not one bad thing to say about my "da" (that's what we call him). I tell people all the time I got the dramatic personality from my mom, but the truth of the matter is the characteristics I got from my daddy balance me out. I am the perfect blend of the two.
I said all that to say all of this... it is not my fault that you didn't grow up with a dad, but for those of us who did, stop trying to rain on our Father's Day parade. I know a lot of people who share similar stories like mine, both guys and girls, who were fortunate enough to share a good relationship with their fathers. I'm grateful to still have my daddy and I know for a fact there are some people who wish their dad was still here on earth to celebrate with, so my heart goes out to them as well.
If you don't do for your dad or don't like him that's your business. I'm praying for God to heal your brokenness, but as for me and my siblings we'll be enjoying steaks (like we often do on Sundays) grilled with much love by our dear old dad!
Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there!

Bite me!?!

Once again I must give my commentary on something that has been in the news recently and has the people all a buzz... the zombie attacks!

Like most of us who have heard about these face bitings, flinging of one's own intestines and other odd issues of the flesh, my first thought was "You know the media will make a big deal out of anything", then I thought... "But hype or no hype, that's crazy!!!" As the stories continued to surface from various places I then thought "Oooh Jesus! That's an end time mess!"
But then it hit me... I saw all these post about the excitement surrounding the new season of True Blood, and a preview for the Abraham Lincoln as vampire slayer movie, and there's a new commercial for featuring the Twilight guys. One of the biggest fads in pop culture today is the vicarious lifestyle of vampires and other people biting people. Now I can't say I'm totally familiar with this sect of fiction and film. The last vampire movies I saw were "Vampire in Brooklyn" and "Dracula: Dead and Loving it!" (both of which are your sho'nuff laugh!!!). I've never read or seen anything Twilight related, can barely tell you what channel True Blood comes on, and Vampire Diaries films in the metro ATL area, otherwise I would be clueless to that series too.
So with all this seemingly sexy neck biting being glorified in mainstream fiction, film and tv, why are we so appalled that people are biting people???
They are linking this "zombie apocalypse" to the possible abuse of "bath salts" (which has me scratching my head in confusion all by itself!), but clearly we should know by now after watching all these reality shows on cable which broadcast the "weird" lives and habits of people for all the world to see, that there are quite a few people in the world, and certainly in our very own country who simply aren't wrapped tight, yet they are perfectly ok with their warped sense of normalcy. If these people were willing to get high on bath salts, then of course taking their vampire or other sci-fi fantasy from the inside of their head and acting it out in reality felt right to them at the time.
Everybody has that little bit of crazy when it comes to things they enjoy... I mean who am I to talk. I have to have tissue and almost need ushers when I go to romantic-comedies because in the back of my mind I'm screaming "WHY HASN'T THIS HAPPENED FOR ME YET???" (I'm just serious!!!)
Hopefully the next pop-culture sweep will involve nerd intellect bio-genetic engineering for incurable disease or economic strategic planning. That way when someone brings their obsession from their mind into reality it will seem less creepy and create a solution to some of the real problems we have in this country.
Anywho... zombies or no zombies, like the old folk say "It's a praying time!!!"