Fresh catch of the day: CATFISH!!!

*takes a deep breath and exhales*
Ok...I think I'm at a point where I can finally wrap my head around this topic to comment on it without typing cuss words out of sheer disbelief and frustration. This topic has been in the media quite a bit lately with the emergence of the MTV show, the sad, pitiful story of Notre Dame football player Manti T'eo, and as I type this I'm watching a Dr. Phil show on the very subject. Internet schemers, "Catfish", online hoaxers... I have but one question for these poor, desperate, gullible souls "WHAT THE &%#* WERE YOU THINKING? (I had to resort to cartoon cussing tho)
Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong with making friends via social media. I'm woman enough to admit I met a few men back in my late college days and when I first moved to Atlanta on Black Planet, Yahoo, and the likes. But that was back in the day when online profiling was new and technology wasn't what it was today. Most people didn't have digital cameras, so in order to post a pic chances are you had to scan an actual picture in the computer lab, save that scan to a square disc and take it to another compute to upload it which took quite a bit of effort. If someone didn't have a picture up yet, they either went to a school that didn't have the technology or they weren't that attractive. (Honestly there were some folks we wished didn't scan in a picture, but those are the ones who always had tons of pics. Mud ducks!)
But back to my point... Fast forward to present day. For as long as I can remember since having an email address for the last 15 plus years we have been getting these chain emails about Nigerian scammers, and yet people are still falling for them. I consider myself a pretty trusting person but I'm also not stupid, which seems to be the only word I can use to describe the people that find themselves wrapped up in these predicaments.  Even when I meet someone in person I'm asking all sorts of questions, and doing my due diligence before I go out on a first date. Where are you from? What school did you go to? Where do you go to church? What do you do? Who your people? Oh you're around my cousin's age and they went to school with somebody who went to that high school... Oh I'm playing Six degrees of Separation to put the pieces together. So it baffles me how you can fall for someone sight unseen to point you're lauding your exclusive relationship status and you're sending them money. There is absolutely no reason you should be in a relationship with someone you've met online never met someway, somehow. Cell phones have cameras, computers have Skype, OoVoo, you can Google most people and something will come up. I don't think I would be involved in this kind of foolishness but if I did, I would be asking for a cell phone picture every day and random times and looking for details. Why are you always dressed to the nines, I need a timed stamped pic of you in a wife beater so I know it's you dude! Gents, ask her to send you a time stamped pic of her in a velcro head wrap so you know she's legit. Skype me in your workout clothes or PJ's so I know it's real. Dudes you need to know the voice on the phone saying she's in bed with rollers is the same person you're gonna see on that screen. I've never heard of a girl lowering her voice to get another girl, but I can't even start on these guys creating effeminiate voices to trick dudes.That's provoking wrath and you're trying to catch a beat down. Catfish ain't documenting the whole story cause I need to see more beat downs!!! Even in this day and age distance shouldn't be a concern. If you can send a person hundreds or thousands dollars over 2 plus years, surely you can benefit from the Priceline Negotiator to get a plane ticket and/or a hotel.
This lady on Dr. Phil had given her internet lover (which turned out to be a Nigerian scam) $30,000 over 7 months. This clown was writing her emails laced with broken english and confusing responses (because he didn't understand her part of the conversation), yet you wired him a total of $30,000. How crazy does this make you look??? You can't even blame that on the flesh because you've never even seen this person in the flesh!!! You can't even say you were "whipped" and blinded by the booty!!! Lord help her if she ever experienced him in all his "Africanness", then I might be able to cut her a little slack. (yep, I went there cause you did too...GOODBYE!) $30,000 in this economy...that's more than a lot of folks make in a year. Perhaps the US government should make a few dummy profiles and find some of these desperate folks who have nothing better to do than send money to internet lovers. I just gave Congress the answer to the teetering "fiscal cliff". You're welcome America!

Dating with children: Child bye!!!

So I was looking through my old post and realized it's been a year since I wrote the now infamous post "Off the Market: A voluntary recall" about my personal decision to take a break from dating and looking for love. And just about the time I decided to lift the restriction, I've had another reality check which has fueled my fears for meeting new people...KIDS!
Now once again I must ad this disclaimer before you continue to read. This in no way reflects my thoughts on single parents and folks who are taking care of their kids. I'm just expressing my concerns based on some things I've observed.
Don't get me wrong, I love children. My nieces, nephew, little cousins and godchildren bring me much joy. I long for the day I become a wife and mother (AND IN THAT ORDER!). Shoot I'm a big kid at heart and in the Bible even Jesus loved the kids. I'm at the age where the reality is there are a great number of us (both men and women) who have kids, so I could meet a nice guy and be a step mom in the blink of an eye. I'm ok with that. But here's what I'm not ok with... using the kid as an excuse to be a lame date.
I've seen it time and time again from both men and women. Now of course I'm not a parent so I can't say I fully understand this plight, but I do know quite a few people who have found a good balance between making time for a new relationships, social activities and being a great parent. Even the Brady Bunch made the best of a blended family back in the day on TV with a maid (ok, fictitious example, but you get the point)
I'm gonna be honest... I have thought maybe I'm a little selfish in my mindset, but then I thought about it again and not so much.With my track record I've had boyfriends who didn't have kids and didn't have any excuse, they were trifling, so no big deal to me, but when you start using the kids as a pawn that ain't right.  I think I'm more than understanding when you tell me you have a PTA meeting so you have to cancel our date at the last minute, or you spent most of your money cause "baby need a pair of shoes" (that will always be a classic gospel laugh!) so we can't go out, hey, that's cool. But if your kid lives with their mom and you're complaining about child support, but have to take groceries over there every day something is sketchy, bro.
And guys aren't the only ones... ladies can't find a sitter so they can't go out. Wait... your kid is 16 tho! And you had no problem leaving that grown kid at home when you had to go to your homegirl's house to get that weave tightened up for club night. (Oh I went there!) Or if he don't have enough to take you and your kids out that's a deal breaker. Girl stop!!! It's the 2nd date... AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
I guess what I'm saying is if you're not ready to be in a relationship don't use parenting as a reason to be a bad girlfriend or boyfriend. Take yourself off the market til you can pull it together. You make it bad for the people who really are looking for someone to grow with and can handle dating with children like a mature adult. So brotha's with kids, and no baby mama drama are encouraged to apply. I welcome you... Eventually me, you and your kid can go to Chuck E Cheese and I will take you both down in Skee-Ball and get tons of tickets and you'll only have enough to get a slap bracelet. (Wait...did I just talk trash about an arcade game to a non-existent boyfriend and a little kid? YEP!)

Uppity Negro... Who me? Couldn't be!

Happy New Year! I fully realize it’s been a minute since I’ve posted a blog. Despite having a birthday and the holiday season I have been uninspired to write anything that supports the theme of this blog site. I mean don’t get me wrong, shenanigans still follow me where ‘err I go (As I type this, I’m sitting a few seats down from a man who just told this whole waiting room he killed a man a few years back. Exactly!), but nothing thought provoking enough to write about it. But this morning something dropped in my spirit and I’ve got to get it off my chest.  Now before you continue reading let me say the subject matter is in no way intended to offend people. I’m not looking down on anyone or how anyone was raised, but I think this may help someone today.

Recently a guy I met told me I might be “too fancy” for him and seemed “high maintenance”. I was taken aback by this statement and it bothered me a little. I’ve been unemployed for over a year, so how can I be high maintenance? Just because I haven’t worked in a while, does that mean I’m supposed to have thrown away all of the nice things I had when I was working and exchange them for sackcloth and ashes…CERTAINLY NOT! Even when I was working, I was still a bargain beauty so I’m not understanding what gave him this impression. Sadly, this isn’t the first time I’ve been told I’m a little uppity. But there is a distinct difference between being uppity and wondering “Why the heck are you living like this in this day and age?”  Common sense, class, appropriateness, and just wanting to do better have nothing to do with being stuck up or putting on airs. Let me explain…

If I’m invited to a cookout (or barbecue depending on where you’re from) I expect to find food cooked on a grill. You know… hot dogs, hamburgers, maybe a rib, a hot link, etc. But if I get to your “cookout” and you’re cooking on a George Foreman  and you serve me a wiener, then say “bread is over there” as you point to a bag of Wonder white sliced bread, then I have every right to look at you crazy! I came for a hot dog on a bun, not a weenie on white bread! (Note: if your preference is actually white bread, heck, I even know folks who only want the weenie sans the bread; I’m not judging you, just making a point)

Let me give you another example… I grew up in North Carolina, home of tobacco and cigarettes, so if someone says to me “Oh do you mind if I smoke…” that’s not a big deal to me, but when you begin to roll your own special herbal cigarette without warning and I look at you like “What the heck?!?” I’m not being a snob; I just want to know before I aid and abet in illegal activity!!!

And here’s another one… I totally understand, everyone has different taste in clothing and wardrobe, but don’t tell me to get dressed up cause we’re going out somewhere special and I put on a cute dress, sparkly jewelry, hot heels and you come out in a sweat suit ; am I overdressed or are you underdressed?  No matter where we go one of us is gonna end up looking a fool!

Or we’re shopping in the grocery store and someone makes you a deal to buy food stamps. I’m not knocking food stamps at all or the food stamp hustle but if I’ve never been involved in such transactions how am I supposed to respond except with shock and awe. That’s not being snotty, it’s called confusion!

Here’s what it all comes down too… I grew up in a decent sized city with both hardworking parents in a house with my siblings that was filled with good times, moved to the rural county parts in my teens, spent my summers in the deep country, went to a predominately white high school and college so there are a lot of things I didn’t grow up around or wasn’t exposed to. I don’t think I am better than anyone, but where I’m from we (me, my family or my friends) didn’t do those types of things. It’s 2013; I can’t and won’t apologize for this anymore. I will proudly wear this alleged “bourgeois” badge with honor. If having couth, manners, training, etiquette, not wanting to catch a case makes me uppity… and if truth shall be my companion in the fuh-lames... SO BE IT! (You can never go wrong with a classic Cosby Show reference!).

I'm just trying to be like my girl Beyonce..."Let me upgrade you!"