Monday, January 14, 2013

Dating with children: Child bye!!!

So I was looking through my old post and realized it's been a year since I wrote the now infamous post "Off the Market: A voluntary recall" about my personal decision to take a break from dating and looking for love. And just about the time I decided to lift the restriction, I've had another reality check which has fueled my fears for meeting new people...KIDS!
Now once again I must ad this disclaimer before you continue to read. This in no way reflects my thoughts on single parents and folks who are taking care of their kids. I'm just expressing my concerns based on some things I've observed.
Don't get me wrong, I love children. My nieces, nephew, little cousins and godchildren bring me much joy. I long for the day I become a wife and mother (AND IN THAT ORDER!). Shoot I'm a big kid at heart and in the Bible even Jesus loved the kids. I'm at the age where the reality is there are a great number of us (both men and women) who have kids, so I could meet a nice guy and be a step mom in the blink of an eye. I'm ok with that. But here's what I'm not ok with... using the kid as an excuse to be a lame date.
I've seen it time and time again from both men and women. Now of course I'm not a parent so I can't say I fully understand this plight, but I do know quite a few people who have found a good balance between making time for a new relationships, social activities and being a great parent. Even the Brady Bunch made the best of a blended family back in the day on TV with a maid (ok, fictitious example, but you get the point)
I'm gonna be honest... I have thought maybe I'm a little selfish in my mindset, but then I thought about it again and not so much.With my track record I've had boyfriends who didn't have kids and didn't have any excuse, they were trifling, so no big deal to me, but when you start using the kids as a pawn that ain't right.  I think I'm more than understanding when you tell me you have a PTA meeting so you have to cancel our date at the last minute, or you spent most of your money cause "baby need a pair of shoes" (that will always be a classic gospel laugh!) so we can't go out, hey, that's cool. But if your kid lives with their mom and you're complaining about child support, but have to take groceries over there every day something is sketchy, bro.
And guys aren't the only ones... ladies can't find a sitter so they can't go out. Wait... your kid is 16 tho! And you had no problem leaving that grown kid at home when you had to go to your homegirl's house to get that weave tightened up for club night. (Oh I went there!) Or if he don't have enough to take you and your kids out that's a deal breaker. Girl stop!!! It's the 2nd date... AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
I guess what I'm saying is if you're not ready to be in a relationship don't use parenting as a reason to be a bad girlfriend or boyfriend. Take yourself off the market til you can pull it together. You make it bad for the people who really are looking for someone to grow with and can handle dating with children like a mature adult. So brotha's with kids, and no baby mama drama are encouraged to apply. I welcome you... Eventually me, you and your kid can go to Chuck E Cheese and I will take you both down in Skee-Ball and get tons of tickets and you'll only have enough to get a slap bracelet. (Wait...did I just talk trash about an arcade game to a non-existent boyfriend and a little kid? YEP!)

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