Tracks of my tears #selfie

I'm going to go ahead and say this upfront. This is a very spontaneous blog post that I just decided write while seeing another post on Facebook and I may even muster up the courage to give you a visual before I'm done... 

There is currently a link from tickld.com that I've seen several times on Facebook titled "20 Things Women Do That Men Probably Don't Know About" which is an accurately amusing list of things some of us have kept a secret for a while. (Who let this list get out??? What happened to Girl Code?) As I was reading and came across number 3 which states "Watched themselves cry in the mirror at least once during a heavy cry session"

I immediately started laughing because it reminded of something I did one time in an irrational fit of heartbreak. I'm sharing this with you because I know someone can relate and I'm glad I can look back on it and laugh. (or you'll think I'm totally nuts, but either way "My Life, Your laugh!!!)

I won't tell you how long ago this was but you will be able to figure out that it wasn't in my teen years from the context of this story, so here goes: (Ok seriously y'all I'm so tickled I can barely type!)

If you keep up with me via social media, my blog and certainly in real life, you'll know my love life (or lack there of) can't even be compared to a roller coaster of emotions; it's a whole amusement park!!! During one of the many break-ups of me and my on again/off again boyfriend of many years, I met a guy and we started hanging out. Nothing too serious. We would go to dinner, movies, if I had an event, he'd be my "plus one". Eventually, we started spending more time together because we ended up living in the same neighborhood and nobody wants to have pizza and go to the RedBox alone. There were no rules, we didn't "go together" and honestly, at the time I was actually interested in someone at my church. I thought there were we fine until...

I had recently been going through quite a bit at work, had a death in the family and... well it was just a lot going on. I got my hair done one Friday afternoon and felt like going out. It had been a few weeks and I decided to call my homeboy, but he didn't answer. I left a message and he responded with a text that said something like "Hey. I can't hangout tonight. I'm hanging out with my girlfriend." WHAAAAAAAAAAAA??? Did he just say "GIRLFRIEND??? I was done! We'd known each other for years and why didn't I know about this new chick??? Did I get played? I was confused (but mind you I had been going out with other folks too. Cue Jamie Foxx "Just Like Me") Well obviously in a fit of PMS hormone induced emotion, I immediately started crying uncontrollably. I called my best friend (who is a guy) all the way in NC and he was unmoved by yet another outburst (I used to be a slight drama queen.) And here's where the story relates to the list above on a whole new level...

I had also recently got an upgrade on my cellphone and was fascinated, dare I say slightly obsessed with taking what is now known as a "selfie". I don't know what came over me but as I was crying, I had my phone in my hand. I'm not sure if my initial intentions were to send him a text to let him know he broke my heart, maybe I was going to play some "woe is me" R&B tunes, but when I looked at the screen and saw my reflection I hit the camera button. And with tears running down my face and eyes swollen from crying I snapped, not one, but 3 pictures of myself!!! Wait for it... then I sent them to my bff so he would feel bad for not realizing how bad I was feeling. And then he called me back only to laugh in my face, which only made me more upset. I was a wreck and to this day I'm still not sure why I was so distraught!!! It was like something out of a very bad romantic comedy. 

Eventually I pulled myself together and the next day I wasn't quite over it, but I when I saw those pics on my phone I thought to myself "Really? Did you really do that?" To this day I can call my bff, mention those pictures and we laugh like we're on nitrous oxide!!! 

I know I'm not the only woman who has done something crazy like this, but I bet I'm the only one bold enough to share my pain so you could laugh!!! 

I'm still not bold enough to share the pics in public, but if you know me and you NEED a good laugh at my expense text me cause I still got 'em for the sake of posterity

Who run the world??? SQUIRRELS!!!

After a rough winter this week will mark the beginning of spring on the calender.  I love spring time. I don't suffer from allergies so going outside and sitting on the porch or in the park with a good book brings me much delight. Here in NC we've had a few days of spring temperatures to give us a preview and with warmer temperatures our cute little furry friends like to come out of hiding and frolic with us. This is where the problem comes in. I've recently discovered squirrels don't like me and the feeling is now mutual!!!

You see, I'm a city-country girl. I wouldn't consider myself an animal lover, but I respect them in their natural habitat. Anywhere there is an abundance of trees chances are you will see these furry tailed creatures known as squirrels. I totally understand tree's are their thing. They climb trees, make burrows near trees, they eat the nuts of trees. I have never in my life taunted one of these cute creatures, but for some reason they seem to have it out for me. 

When I was in college it seemed as though there were as many squirrels as there were students and they would let you know the brickyard really belonged to them. I can't tell you how many times I saw someone leave the Chik-Fil-A at lunch and get chased by a squirrel waiting for them to drop a fry crumb. I didn't give them a chance to chase me. Giving a fry to Chip and Dale wasn't gonna ruin my lunch. I even said a prayer of condolence when Hurricane Fran came through the campus and there were literally dead animals still clinging to acorns, with their fur soaked from rain that had been blown across the yard. I tried to be there friend. 

But over the last few years it seems as though the tables have turned. One day me and a friend decided to grab some subs for lunch and enjoy them in the park. A squirrel comes by so I throw out some crumbs. It comes back. I didn't throw out any chips. It stood on it's hind legs and began to touch it's "nuts" as if to tell me to "jerk off!" Me and my friend looked at each other like "Did you see what I saw?" (You don't have to believe it. I have a witness and she will tell you that is the God in heaven truth. No exaggeration whatsoever!!!!) I was flashed by a rodent!!!  

Then just last week when we had a preview of spring I'm sitting on the porch, reading on my kindle, enjoying an Arnold Palmer on crushed ice and I hear some rustling in the leaves. Ahhh, the sounds of spring. Only for me to look up and two squirrels start BARKING at me!!! WHAT THE HECK??? First of all I didn't know they made noise and I certainly wouldn't think that it should sound like a small dog bark. I look at them, they look at me, then they climb up the tree and start mating. I guess that was some sort of mating call and I was being intrusive. Granted, my house is surrounded by trees, but this house has been here for twenty years. I know this wasn't your turf first. I just know it. Take your rodent rendezvous to a forest, not my front yard. This is a family home for goodness sake. 

I'm already afraid of deer (and rightfully so) but I will not allow these over sized mice with fluffy tails to run me out of my yard or the park bench! 

If y'all hear me from a distance yelling "ALLLLVVVVVIIIINNNN!!!" just know they started it first!!!