May I retract my resume... going from bad to worse

The cat's out the bag now that I am indeed unemployed and looking. (no shame, just was keeping it low key as not to dampen the holiday season for everyone else) While my desire is to go back to Atlanta and live the single life that I've grown to know and love, or ideally commute between the two places, or be famous and go everywhere, in the meantime, (like the song says) "the economy's down, people can't get enough pay"  and I need to support my hair-do habit so I'm looking both here and there. 
Today I ran across a position that fit my qualifications and background. Granted it wasn't the ideal job, but I'm certain I could do it. Working in a group home for girls for a religious organization seems easy, yet simultaneously challenging enough. (and if you know anything about my last job you know it's not too far off the path) They had two positions, one in Raleigh, and another in one of the larger cities not far from where my grandma lives, which means I could work there and still look out for her.
I do the online application for the position located in Raleigh, hit submit button and another questionnaire pops up "This position may require you to stay overnight 2-3 days on sight, with occasional weekends..." yadda yadda yadda. No problem... I click yes.
I complete the same application for the other location (which I'm purposely keeping anonymous) and the questionnaire pops up, but this time there are two questions. The first was the same about staying overnight, but the second asked would I be willing and physically able to participate in an unarmed self-defense course to continue on in the candidate process... SCRRRRRRRRRRR! PUMP THE BRAKES!!!
Are you saying I need to take the course because I'm going to need to use this skill at this particular location???  Are you for real? My steps are ordered ,so ummm that's not His will!
Why would you wait til someone spends 20 minutes filling out a lengthy online application, then mention this? GOTCHA!
They can call me all they want, but my response will be "Uhhh yeah about that... Jehovah Jireh.God is still providing... I'm good!"
On the bright side at least they told me up front...(But they should add that disclaimer to whomever is applying for my former postion...)
The search continues... in ATLANTA!!!