Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Missionary position... No thank you!

Ok with Valentine's Day coming up I wanted to share something that's on my heart. Some of you may or may not be able to relate to this but I've decided to be transparent. I know the title of this post is what made you click on this but calm down it's not what you think...
I've had my share of dating woes. (I'll repost the worst of the worst soon), and if you follow my adventures you know I took myself of the market. Recently I decided to give dating another try and well, let's just say my luck hasn't changed much. But it got me to thinking which was the inspiration for this post.
I want to talk about a very hot topic, especially in today's contemporary Af-Am churches amongst single women... Missionary Dating. For those of you who aren't familiar with this term it's when a believer/church person is dating someone who doesn't go to church or profess to be a believer. Now I'm woman enough to admit that prior to moving to Atlanta one of my rules was if I was going to be in a relationship they had to be a church guy. But once I moved to the big city I threw caution to the wind and that rule went out the window. I was in a new city and meeting new people, church or otherwise, was fun. I can say I met some nice guys and not so nice guys. Church had nothing to do with it. I'm not saying that guys who go to church are better than guys that don't at all. To be honest, church guys who have to pray about whether to go to a movie or get something to eat after church with a group of folks confuses me. At least a regular guy on the street sees what he likes and will simply ask you out. It's not that serious to me. If I'm seeing a guy who doesn't go to church I'm not worrying about him trying anything grown folks might want to do without my permission. That's called having standards. Both believers and unbelievers have those. One dinner with a guy who doesn't go to church isn't gonna send me to hell. But sir, don't offer to go to church trying to impress someone and you know you haven't been to church since Reagan was in office because that's where the problem comes in. You don't even know the basics anymore. Just because you watch on TV it's not the same.
Having a personal relationship with Christ is just that... personal. I can't judge you on that, only can go by what you say and do. But church, as a religious gathering, is a social and cultural thing. If going to church isn't something one of you isn't used to it's going to get awkward.If I've never gone fishing, I'm gonna asked what to do. I've never been to a shooting range, how does this gun work. Save me some shame!
I'm a church person. I grew up in church and have always been involved in church activities of some sort until I moved back to NC, (This season of rest is blessing me though. Just to be able to go to church and enjoy service... ahhh! but I digress) so when I go to service I enjoy it. I get involved  and I'm familiar with the culture of most churches. AME, Baptist, Pentecostal, Non-denominational charismatic worship centers, common cup Catholic mass... I've seen all kinds of church and I love anywhere the true and living God is being worshiped. What I don't enjoy is going with someone who is too shame to admit they don't quite know what to do when they get there so instead of asking what service is like I've got to spend my time baby sitting an adult in church.
All I'm saying is somethings don't change. They still take up offering; bring a 5 dollar bill. They still read scripture; have a bible (real or an app). They still sing congregational songs; be prepared to stand. It's 2013, turn off your phone! These are the basics. I could see you may be a little stunned if you're at a charismatic church and someone takes of running or speaking in tongues, and you may be a little uncomfortable turning to your neighbor every few seconds.
With that being said, I'm reimposing my rule and it's now on the top of my list of questions: Where do you go to church? When is the last time you've been? I don't have a problem Missionary Dating. I can win you to Christ, but I can't help you in an embarrassingly awkward social setting. Jesus will walk with you cause I'll be sitting several pews away... You're on your own dude.
And hear this...If you are a regular church going guy you best not invite me to church and not have a brunch outing planned afterwards. Praising God brings forth much hunger on a Sunday about 12:30-ish! Pay the tithe then get ready to tip a waitress!!!
Disclaimer: If you're already in my black book and you're not a church guy, we're cool. I still loves me a good, kind-hearted,rough-neck, street-smart, bible scholar. Don't judge me!


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